Afraid To Loose
by Iris Patton
Summary: Astrid confronts Hiccup about the death of his mother and he lets out all the emotions he kept bottled up for years. One-Shot so don't expect any continuation


**AFRAID TO LOOSE**

 _(Post Defenders of Berk)_

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 **SUMMARY:** _Astrid confronts Hiccup about the death of his mother and he lets out all the emotions he kept bottled up for years._

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 _ **A/N: I wanted to make up for not updating for a while so I came up with this really really long one shot. Hope you like it. Enjoy  
PS: A huge thanks to ****BeyondTheClouds777** **for letting me borrow a scene from her story "Not Useless", you all should read her stories she is an amazing writer.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I Do Not Own How To Train Your Dragon. only the idea of this story.**_

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It was a perfectly normal day, all the teens were at the academy doing their usual stuff, they were all waiting for Hiccup as he hadn't come yet. Astrid thought it was odd because he was never late, 'maybe he slept in', she thought. "I'm going to check where he is, you guys stay here", she said to the other riders, receiving nods from them and then in a matter of seconds she was airborne.

First, she got to the Haddock residence, the most possible place where Hiccup could be. She knocked on the door and after a few seconds it was Stoick who answered it, "Good morning Astrid", he said, "what brings you here?" he asked. "Good morning sir, I was here to see Hiccup as he didn't show up at the academy" as Astrid said that, Stoick sighed and pinch the bridge of his nose, shaking his head, "Ah, don't worry he's okay, he just wanted to be alone", he said sadly. Astrid immediately asked, "why sir, did something happened?", Stoick shook his head again, "no, It's just", he hesitated but then said, "Its Valka's death anniversary", he said lowering his gaze, "he always does that on this day, he disappears without a word and then comes back at night when everyone's asleep, I assume he goes to the forest so no one can bother him", he finished looking at Astrid who was frozen for a moment but then she said, "h-how come he never told any of us about that?", Stoick looked down and said, "he doesn't like to talk about it, not even with me, he just stays quite the whole day and then he tries to ignore everyone the other few days after that, too".

Astrid didn't know what to say, he never told her about this, but then again she never really gave him the chance to even talk to her about anything, she only ignored her for fifteen years, right?, but that was about to change now. She looked at Stoick and nodded not knowing anything else to say, "Oh, okay sir thank you, I'll be going now", she said nervously, mounted her dragon and flew towards the academy.

"Oh finally someone decided to show up!" said Snotlout sarcastically, when she got there, "where is he?" "did something happen?", Ruffnut and Tuffnut asked at the same time, Astrid rolled her eyes and sighed, "He's not coming today, so if you guys wanna go home or do anything else you can ", she said. "Why?" Fishlegs asked, "Is he okay?". Astrid then told all of them what Stoick told her. "Of course!" Fishlegs screamed, "I should've known, every Viking in the village is talking about her death. It must be painful for him", he said, his voice lowering as he finished the sentence. "I'm going to look for him and bring him back you guys do what you wanna do", said Astrid.

Astrid ran towards Raven Point, leaving Stormfly behind. When she got there she heard someone scream, but it wasn't in pain or agony it was in anger. She ran towards the sound, deeper into the forest and found none other than Hiccup. He was panting heavily. Then she hid herself behind a rock and observed him, he yanked the axe from the tree trunk and throw it again at a different tree, taking all his anger out on it. "The poor idiot, he never knows when to ask for help", said Astrid to herself in a harsh whisper, shaking her head, trying not to be heard. Then suddenly Hiccup sank to the ground, throwing his axe away from him and started sobbing in his hands.

Astrid saw this, got up, and started walking towards him slowly, like sneaking on a sleeping dragon. "Hiccup?", she said, her voice full of care, like trying to calm a five year old, but he didn't even look at her, she slowly approached him and sat beside him and then he did what she never expected him to do, he hugged her and started crying more violently. It surprised and broke her to see him like this but after a moment she returned the embrace. She didn't know how long they remained in that position but she couldn't care about that at said moment.

She didn't know what to say, she was at a loss of words, so she held him even tighter. After some time his sobbing stopped and he pulled away, a little embarrassed, "S-Sorry, I-I'm sorry", said Hiccup, looking away and rubbing his eyes harshly. "I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry". She sighed , "It's fine, Hiccup", she said and put her hand on his shoulder, "are you okay?", she asked and then realized that it was a stupid question, she scolded herself, _'Off course he's not okay,_ _why else he would be crying?'_ , she thought. He stood up and started walking towards his axe, he picked it up and was about to throw it when Astrid said, "I know it's your mother death anniversary", as soon as the words escaped her lips his axe fell and he froze in his place, "h-how d-did you kn-know?", he said without turning, his voice breaking so many times in that simple sentence. She could tell that he was crying once again by his shaking shoulders.

Astrid shook her head, "Stoick told me", she said, "He also told me that you disappear on this day every year and don't even talk about it to any one". He started walking again, trying to get away from her. She noticed him avoiding her so she ran after him stopping him by grabbing his hand, "Hiccup we are your friends, if something's bothering you, well you should tell us, why do you have to bottle up everything?", she said. He jerked his arm from her hold, "Because Astrid I don't want to talk about it to anyone! And why do you care about this all of a sudden you never cared before for all those years when YOU ignored me", he shouted. Astrid was a bit taken back by his sudden outburst, she wasn't expecting him to explode like this. "Hiccup I-", she started talking but was abruptly cut off when he started shouting again, "You wanna know what's bothering me?!" he grabbed her hand and started walking deeper into the forest, surprisingly his grip was much stronger than usual.

He came to a stop and Astrid was shocked to see what was in front of her, the trees were brutally _'marked'_. "This is what I did when dad started ignoring me at first, because I reminded him of mom", he said pointing to a large gash on the tree trunk, "this is the year after that when everyone started calling me _'useless'_ ", he continued, his voice turning in a tone slightly above a whisper, "and this… this is when I first figured out what happened to mom", he said staring at it as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Astrid remained dumbfounded, "Hiccup I-I'm so sorry", she said, "I know you must feel horrible, but you can always talk to me", she put a hand on his shoulder and turned him, her one hand holding his and other on his cheek. She hugged him and he buried his face into her shoulder crying freely, not caring about anything, "I'm s-sorry I-I didn't mean to-", he said between heavy sobs but Astrid cut him saying, "It's okay, Hiccup, I don't blame you, I know you didn't mean it", he didn't seem reassured, "but I-I shouldn't have taken it out on y-you", he said. They stood there for what felt like hours until he didn't had the strength to stand he sank to the ground taking Astrid with him. "Shh, it's okay", she said trying to coax him to relax, "I miss her, and I'm afraid that the day I forget her I'll lose her", he said, Astrid stroked his hair, not saying anything, "It hurts so much", "I know, Hiccup but you have me, don't you?" she said trying to be strong for him and finally they pulled away and after what felt like eternity his tears stopped. "Hey your dad was worried about you, you should talk to him", said Astrid, he looked at her, "okay I'll do that", he said.

They rise to a stand and began walking towards the village. Astrid supported him, as he was exhausted from all that happened. "Thank you, Astrid", he said, "for everything you did, it means a lot to me", he smiled weakly. She returned the smile and said, "Hey that's what I'm here for, right?" She took him to his home. He went to his loft and saw a little stuffed dragon placed on his bed, he picked it up and felt that now he won't forget her mother, because she would always be near his heart.

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 **Hey! So yeah that just happened I wrote my first one-shot. Hiccstrid all the way** **. I really hope you like it because I worked really hard on it, you know how hard it is to write a one-shot, especially for me. Like it, Love it or Hate it leave a review.  
** _ **-This Is Iris Patton Signing Out :)**_


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